Last week, has been one of those weeks you feel like you have sunk in a hole and cannot find your way out. One of those weeks the enemy has been feeding you with lies, but not any lies the kind that speak right to your weak spot. So strong and so piercing you almost want to believe them. So close to the truth yet so far away from the truth you do not know which way is up. Yes one of those weeks. A “Roller coaster week of Emotions!”
It all started with the lie, you cannot home school your daughter you are to much of a procrastinator. It will never work because you lose your focus and you let weeks slip by before you realize. Now I would Love to home school my daughter and I cannot shake the tiny fire in my heart that says, she needs to stay be homeschooled just trust me. Hmmmm… those two Powerful words Trust Me! I am so torn, even thought she just turned 3 in September, as to if I am supposed to Home-school, find a way to send her to private school, or do public school. As this week has shown me I need to Fully submit to God and Fully ask His help in this area. I need to remember that I have God Fully on my side! He will give me the wisdom if I ask, all I got to do is TRUST HIM!
Another lie that, is you are not doing enough to please God. You are sleeping in when you should be getting up, you are not spending enough alone time with God, you are not doing enough to allow the Holy Spirit to work in you, yes those kinds of lie. Yes, I know they are all lies but it is true that, that is an area I struggle. I struggle with getting up enough time before Lily to really pray and read my bible. I struggle with spending ALONE time with the HIM! I struggle in every area of my Life but I need to STOP ask God for help. HE is the ONLY person who can Truly and Permanently help me in this area. I need to submit my Whole life to Him and not just bits and pieces.
The last issue is a super personal one, I had an emotional breakdown Saturday Night because of it. I try and I try to, I pray and I pray, over this issue but yet nothing changes, or it could be changing I’m just not seeing it. In fact it seems like my world is slipping away, in so many different directions, but yet I can do nothing about it. It seems like a bunch of “one way” streets now. I try to turn back but you cannot make U-Turns and everything I knew is gone away. But you can think of it like this, I DID pray for change! I DID pray for a “new beginning” (in a way). Maybe this is God’s way of saying something New is coming along, I know you cannot see it, just TRUST ME (there it is again) and you will see, IN MY TIME! Hmm Ouch! I think I’m Lost and there is nowhere to go right now, but I forget that I have the PERFECT person to turn to, GOD!
Praise the Lord my family is healthy, and rejoice because our Lord is King! The more I turn to Him Alone, the more of his truth and discernment he will give to me. I have to be patient because everything is in HIS timing!!!!!!!! I know new and good things are coming, I just gotta wait out this waiting period and never Forget who is Number 1 in my life! When God is working on us, or changing something about us or around us, it hurts. You might not be able to realize it at first but Do not Ever Forget that God works all things out for the Glory of Him!!