Let Go…

 

This journey of life, reminds me of a mountain road. There are some scary parts of the road, where you are scared that if you make one little mistake you will fall off the road. Then there are parts of a mountain road that are beautiful and breathtaking. Yet some parts of a mountain road are steep, where you and your car are struggling to stay on the road and make it up over the hill. We are always going through something, walking out of something, or about to go through something. It is how we grow as a person, how we grow in God, and how God refines us to do his work.

The past week, God has been doing a number on me. He has revealed a part of me that needs work. A part of me that needs to forgive and LOVE instead. A part of me that needs to keep trying, even if it feels like the other person(s) don’t care. I care and I need to show God’s love to them. I need to pray instead of complain. I need to keep on trucking, doing what I’m doing and BELIEVE that one day it will be better. I know that if it doesn’t ever get better, at least I am trying and that is what God wants me to do!

It has been, always has been, and will continue to be a struggle. I will never understand what goes through people’s minds, and why some things are done, said, or not done. But you know that is okay, it is not for me to understand. It is not for me to question people’s motives, and “judge” them unfairly. Hmmm…. that word JUDGE. I honestly did not even realize that I am judging unfairly until I wrote that out. How amazing our Lord is, and how he reveals things to us.

I have a bad habit of thinking, that my family is not as important, or my family just does not matter to this person. Every time I say something like that, whether out loud or to myself I am judging them. I do not know people’s motives, or why they do the things they do, but I should not put blame (Judge) on them that should not be there. I need to take my cares to the Lord and Let Go. I need to stop having a tiff pity party and say Thank you Lord that I have a wonderful Loving Family! I need to proclaim things that aren’t as they are! I need to worship our Lord Jesus Christ when I want to complain.

This is another one of those learning curves in the mountain road, but I do know that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I do know that I am growing in my faith and becoming a stronger Christian and that is Glorious. I am on my way to becoming all that God has called me to be and that is the only thing that matters! :)

Amazing Power of Prayer

In my last post, I wrote about this lady named Peggy, and how she invited me to her small group on Monday so they could pray over me. Yesterday, was the day and wow what a life changing experience! I went not knowing what was going to happen, did not know what to expect, just came with an open mind and knew that I really needed this. I needed this so I can move on and grow deeper in the Lord.

I went in their thinking I was going to be prayed over because I have fear. I did not realize that there was SOOOOO much more to that fear that I never realized. There was oppression around me, fear, and so much more than I thought. The ladies told me things that I knew HAD to come from God, and it just blew me away. It is amazing how God will speak to people and give them bites and pieces into your oppression so that in turn you can confess with your mouth in front of these people to become set free. I went in their with this weight on my shoulders that I got really good at blocking out, and left feeling free and forgiven!

Peggy, shared with me that God showed her a picture and first it was a beautiful ivory crown, with rhinestone and jewels all around it, then the crown got lower and there was my face and I was wearing a beautiful ivory dress. I was standing on stage in front of a crowd, and I was some type of royalty, queen, something of the sort, and God had amazing plans for me. (I hope if you read this Peggy, I am remembering correctly!) I was also told that God is waiting in the light for me, I need to stop doubting myself and letting other people influence me and just LISTEN TO GOD ONLY! I get so far and so close to the light, and then I back-slide and I am back to square one. So, they prayed that I would only be able to hear God’s voice and not the voice of confusion!

I also need to take Lily by the hand and really teach her the bible, teach her to pray, and help her grow in the Lord. I need to take her by the hand and show her everything the Lord wants me/us to do. I praise the Lord that I am a stay at home mom now, so I can teach Lily everything she needs to know, and we can grow in the Lord together.

Today, as I sit back and think about everything that was said and done last night, I am super thankful for each and every one of those ladies, and the one guy Duane that was there also! I am so very thankful to God for everything! Everything! Our God is a wonderful God and can do amazing things if we just BELIEVE!

Reflection on my Granny

As I sit here and think and take in the news I received this morning I cannot help but to reflect back on life. Reflect back on all the good and bad times I have had. All the times that God has done a miracle in my life, and all the times the enemy had me in his hand. Yesterday, I received news that my granny was in the hospital with kidney failure and she would more than likely, not make it until morning. She had a blood clot in her right leg, that gone unnoticed at the nursing home so long that gang green had begun to set in. She was several dehydrated, and was just not responsive at all. As my cousin is telling me the news that she isn’t doing well, she asked if I would go to the hospital with her and see Granny. So I went, and I am glad that I did because I got to spend a good 10-15 minutes by myself with her.

At first I just sat quietly just looking at how fragile she looked, at how skinny she was, and how wrinkly her skin was because she was so thin. Then I got up and I prayed over her, I would touch different parts of her body and pray that God would deliver her from her pain and make it go away, that if this was her time that he would take her so her pain would stop. I prayed over and over while touching all different parts of her body and I just felt a peace, the more that I prayed. I did have a few scary moments when her breathing would stop, just for a second, then would catch up again. After I was done praying, I stood there and told her about Lily. How Lily got to see Cinderella and go to Disney World. I told her about Halloween, and that Lily was a ladybug, but we called her Lazy bug because I pulled her around in a cart. I told her that Lily had started ballet, and really liked it. I showed her silly pictures of Lily, even though she could not open her eyes. I just sat there and talked to her like normal. A few times I would adjust her pillow, and she would hold her head up while I fixed the pillow. Then I slide her body over a little because she looked uncomfortable. I told her that we were going to church and that Lily LOVES her sunday school class. I told her that Lily loves learning about God, and that she was going to grow up in a Godly home. Most importantly I told her I loved her!

My granny is not a biological grandparent. She is my step-dads mom, but she has known me since I was small, a good 24 years now. Ever since I first met her she always treated me like a true blood grandchild. I was the first grandchild that she had, and when I was small I would go over to her house and spend the night. I remember her calling my mom and asking to watch me, and spend the night. I could always eat, drink, whatever I wanted. We would play with the dogs, or look through all her old year books from the 60’s thru 80’s, and pick out people who I knew. Then more cousins came around and we would always go to her house and hunt Easter eggs. During Thanksgiving she always made the dressing different that other grandparents but it was yummy. And never once, even with other blood grandchildren coming along did she make me feel less.

Then came a point in my life when my mom and step dad separated, I was about 18, and I did not see her as much. I did not go over there as much, and holidays got more complicated and sometimes I would not make it to her house. I could say, I wish I could have gotten to see her more during those years but I will not. What good is it to wish to change the past when you have the present. Eventually I got some sense knocked into me and I started to go see her more. Thank goodness!

Then came along Lily! Her first great grandchild. I am so thankful to God that Granny was able to spend time with Lily and watch her grow these past 3 years. I am thankful that Lily was able to see Granny and remembers her, you do have to say Granny with the dog Angel and she will go oh okay yeah. I am thankful that I got to go up to the hospital and have those last moments with her! Even though she was not responsive, I know in my heart that she heard me. I know in my heart that she heard and knew I was praying over her body for the pain to subside. I know that she knew I was there! I know my Granny is in a much better place now, she gets to see her Family and be in God’s wonderful Kingdom in Heaven!!

Roller Coaster week of Emotions

Last week, has been one of those weeks you feel like you have sunk in a hole and cannot find your way out. One of those weeks the enemy has been feeding you with lies, but not any lies the kind that speak right to your weak spot. So strong and so piercing you almost want to believe them. So close to the truth yet so far away from the truth you do not know which way is up. Yes one of those weeks. A “Roller coaster week of Emotions!”

It all started with the lie, you cannot home school your daughter you are to much of a procrastinator. It will never work because you lose your focus and you let weeks slip by before you realize. Now I would Love to home school my daughter and I cannot shake the tiny fire in my heart that says, she needs to stay be homeschooled just trust me. Hmmmm… those two Powerful words Trust Me! I am so torn, even thought she just turned 3 in September, as to if I am supposed to Home-school, find a way to send her to private school, or do public school. As this week has shown me I need to Fully submit to God and Fully ask His help in this area. I need to remember that I have God Fully on my side! He will give me the wisdom if I ask, all I got to do is TRUST HIM!

Another lie that, is you are not doing enough to please God. You are sleeping in when you should be getting up, you are not spending enough alone time with God, you are not doing enough to allow the Holy Spirit to work in you, yes those kinds of lie. Yes, I know they are all lies but it is true that, that is an area I struggle. I struggle with getting up enough time before Lily to really pray and read my bible. I struggle with spending ALONE time with the HIM! I struggle in every area of my Life but I need to STOP ask God for help. HE is the ONLY person who can Truly and Permanently help me in this area. I need to submit my Whole life to Him and not just bits and pieces.

The last issue is a super personal one, I had an emotional breakdown Saturday Night because of it. I try and I try to, I pray and I pray, over this issue but yet nothing changes, or it could be changing I’m just not seeing it. In fact it seems like my world is slipping away, in so many different directions, but yet I can do nothing about it. It seems like a bunch of “one way” streets now. I try to turn back but you cannot make U-Turns and everything I knew is gone away. But you can think of it like this, I DID pray for change! I DID pray for a “new beginning” (in a way). Maybe this is God’s way of saying something New is coming along, I know you cannot see it, just TRUST ME (there it is again) and you will see, IN MY TIME! Hmm Ouch! I think I’m Lost and there is nowhere to go right now, but I forget that I have the PERFECT person to turn to, GOD!

Praise the Lord my family is healthy, and rejoice because our Lord is King! The more I turn to Him Alone, the more of his truth and discernment he will give to me. I have to be patient because everything is in HIS timing!!!!!!!! I know new and good things are coming, I just gotta wait out this waiting period and never Forget who is Number 1 in my life! When God is working on us, or changing something about us or around us, it hurts. You might not be able to realize it at first but Do not Ever Forget that God works all things out for the Glory of Him!!

Thrilling new Journeys

The past two weeks have been exciting, fun, new, and a little scary! Last week my family and I went to Disney World! My Lily had a blast, well I think we ALL had a blast. Lily got to see all her favorite characters, we ate lunch with the princesses, she got to pick out a couple new stuffed animals, and she got to ride her favorite ride twice. It was a magical experience, and Lily has already asked to go back several times!

When we got home, I signed Lily up for ballet classes! We went and got her ballet clothes yesterday, and she starts classes on Saturday. She was so excited she wanted to wear her ballet outfit all day. I know she will have a blast, especially since she LOVES to dance around the house. My only worry is that she will freak when I or my mom leave her in the classroom. I know as soon as she gets comfortable she will be just fine!

Then on Tuesday I signed up to be an Independent Scentsy Consultant. I was so excited, well still excited to start this journey, learn all I can learn, and get some customers. Today, though, I am not so confident in myself and my ability to be “successful”. In the past I tried to start my own business and it flopped, I know now it was not Gods will for me to do that business, but I don’t this to be another flop. I worry, is this really Gods will or not? I need to pray and ask God for his guidance!!!!!!

Learning how to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit is something I’m working on. I know it says whatever you ask for believe you have received it and it shall be yours. I need to believe. in myself and ask God for his blessing over everything in my family’s life. I need to learn to lean on God and his understanding and not my own. I need to learn to listen to the Holy Spirit and what he is saying and not Doubt! I have a lot to learn but I am enjoying this journey filled with JOY!

If any of my readers want to check out my scentsy site, Go Here  and look around!

Do not give up, Keep seeking

For the past, at least, 10 years now I have known that I wanted to go on a mission trip. I wanted to go to a different country and help people and share Jesus with them. I have always “wanted” to go but I have never felt I was”good enough” to go. I have always gone to church, off and on, my whole life but I never really studied the bible, never dug deep, never known to much about him and how was I going to help someone when I needed help myself? This was the question that has plagued me for a while now, and a couple of months back I found peace with that desire. I know it is my calling to go on a mission trip, I know it is my calling to go and help people but right now is my time when I need to prepare myself. I need to dig into God’s word and submerge myself in Him so I can in turn help someone else find Him too! A couple of weekends ago at church, while I’m standing in line to get coffee, I had this feeling I need to go talk to the lady standing in front of the mission table. So, I pick up a flyer and head over and introduced myself. She told me that when she first saw me, she knew that I was going to be coming with them on a mission trip one day. She saw it all over my face, and she knows I will go one day! I almost started crying and told her how fabulous it is to know that what I thought was my calling, really is my calling. It is Fabulous how the Lord works and how he knew that I needed to hear those words!

Well, the past week, really Wednesday and Thursday, I have not really felt myself. When Friday morning came, and I was praying, I asked God for his will to be done in my life as it in his heaven. That I wanted to work out his will and I wanted to know that I was on the right path. I needed assurance that where I am at now and what I am doing now is what he wants me to do. I have been doubting it and not really sure of myself lately. When I got done praying and was getting ready for the day, I had an urge to turn on Pandora and listen to some music. Once again, our Father in Heaven is so great because he spoke to me through the music. Every song that I listened to, told me Tiffany you cannot do anything with your own strength, you NEED the Lord’s strength so Stop! When a person gives up his life for me, he actually gains life, so what are you waiting for? You are still scared, just FALL and I will catch you!! Tiffany you are doing my will and you just need to wait and be patient!!! Wow- how amazing is our God. How amazing it is that when I LISTEN to those little voices, instead of ignore them, that the Lord speaks to me! It may be through music or through a blog, but I do think he was trying to tell me something and I listened and it was Glorious!

My point is, If you are not sure of something, ask for assurance, ask for guidance, ask for help! He is waiting for you to ask! He may not give you a quick answer and you  may have to wait, but in HIs perfect timing He will reveal His answer to you! If you are not getting an answer don’t give up, keep asking, keep praying, whatever it may be, when His timing is perfect the answer will come!

 

Joyfully His,

Tiffany