All in God’s timing!

As I have written before, I know part of my calling is to go to other countries and be a missionary. I know I want to go dig wells for people, do not know why I just know digging wells is in my passion. I want to go hug and love on the little children and show them that a stranger Loves them! I want to show these children the Love of Jesus Christ to these people. I know this is my calling, but yes I am full of terror/fear. I am fearful of the unknown, I am full of doubt, I have fear that I will fail because I still have so much to learn myself, and I just full of fear period.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. (NKJV)

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (NKJV)

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (NLT)

I could go on and post more verses of the bible telling us not to fear, for the Lord your God is with you. Yes, I do know and understand all of these but still I have fear in my life. I cannot let my shy, quiet and reserve personality hold me back from the blessing that God has in store for me. I need to stand strong in my faith and go against the enemy and his attacks on my life, but he has a good grip and its hard.

This past weekend was our small group expo at my church. I looked up previously all the groups and one particular caught my attention. It was called Missionary Call and it was hosted by Peggy Morgan. Now, Peggy, is the lady that told me I was going to be a missionary and go on missions with the church. I have always known and felt that I would connect with her again and this was my season I felt to do that. Yesterday, was our first meeting and I am so thankful to God that I got up the courage and went. I knew I was in the exact spot that I was supposed to be! At the end, I cannot remember how, but I told Peggy about my fear that I had and that I was hoping this small group would help me overcome some of that fear. I lost it and started crying and poured out part of my heart to this lady. She gave me a tissue and invited me to come to another small group she attends, about healing and prayer. They pray over people who need healing and prayer, or they study from the bible about healing and prayer. So this Monday I am going with her, so they can pray over me and ask the Lord to remove my fear. How amazing God works! He heard my cries, prayers, and pleas and I believe this is the answer to them.

How amazing our God is! How amazing our lives can be changed when we listen to the Lord and do as he says. I almost did not sign up for this small group because I was scared. I walked away from the table and said No not now, but my husband was talking to a friend of his so I turned back around and signed up. Thank you Jesus that Evan was talking! Thank you Jesus for these people because I know they are going to transform my life for the better! I am so incredibly excited as to what the Lord has in store for me. I am so incredibly excited that maybe this is my time to finally go on a mission trip! If this is not my time, well that is fine because I know I will get to go one day, All In God’s TIMING!

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Reflection on my Granny

As I sit here and think and take in the news I received this morning I cannot help but to reflect back on life. Reflect back on all the good and bad times I have had. All the times that God has done a miracle in my life, and all the times the enemy had me in his hand. Yesterday, I received news that my granny was in the hospital with kidney failure and she would more than likely, not make it until morning. She had a blood clot in her right leg, that gone unnoticed at the nursing home so long that gang green had begun to set in. She was several dehydrated, and was just not responsive at all. As my cousin is telling me the news that she isn’t doing well, she asked if I would go to the hospital with her and see Granny. So I went, and I am glad that I did because I got to spend a good 10-15 minutes by myself with her.

At first I just sat quietly just looking at how fragile she looked, at how skinny she was, and how wrinkly her skin was because she was so thin. Then I got up and I prayed over her, I would touch different parts of her body and pray that God would deliver her from her pain and make it go away, that if this was her time that he would take her so her pain would stop. I prayed over and over while touching all different parts of her body and I just felt a peace, the more that I prayed. I did have a few scary moments when her breathing would stop, just for a second, then would catch up again. After I was done praying, I stood there and told her about Lily. How Lily got to see Cinderella and go to Disney World. I told her about Halloween, and that Lily was a ladybug, but we called her Lazy bug because I pulled her around in a cart. I told her that Lily had started ballet, and really liked it. I showed her silly pictures of Lily, even though she could not open her eyes. I just sat there and talked to her like normal. A few times I would adjust her pillow, and she would hold her head up while I fixed the pillow. Then I slide her body over a little because she looked uncomfortable. I told her that we were going to church and that Lily LOVES her sunday school class. I told her that Lily loves learning about God, and that she was going to grow up in a Godly home. Most importantly I told her I loved her!

My granny is not a biological grandparent. She is my step-dads mom, but she has known me since I was small, a good 24 years now. Ever since I first met her she always treated me like a true blood grandchild. I was the first grandchild that she had, and when I was small I would go over to her house and spend the night. I remember her calling my mom and asking to watch me, and spend the night. I could always eat, drink, whatever I wanted. We would play with the dogs, or look through all her old year books from the 60’s thru 80’s, and pick out people who I knew. Then more cousins came around and we would always go to her house and hunt Easter eggs. During Thanksgiving she always made the dressing different that other grandparents but it was yummy. And never once, even with other blood grandchildren coming along did she make me feel less.

Then came a point in my life when my mom and step dad separated, I was about 18, and I did not see her as much. I did not go over there as much, and holidays got more complicated and sometimes I would not make it to her house. I could say, I wish I could have gotten to see her more during those years but I will not. What good is it to wish to change the past when you have the present. Eventually I got some sense knocked into me and I started to go see her more. Thank goodness!

Then came along Lily! Her first great grandchild. I am so thankful to God that Granny was able to spend time with Lily and watch her grow these past 3 years. I am thankful that Lily was able to see Granny and remembers her, you do have to say Granny with the dog Angel and she will go oh okay yeah. I am thankful that I got to go up to the hospital and have those last moments with her! Even though she was not responsive, I know in my heart that she heard me. I know in my heart that she heard and knew I was praying over her body for the pain to subside. I know that she knew I was there! I know my Granny is in a much better place now, she gets to see her Family and be in God’s wonderful Kingdom in Heaven!!

Love and Respect

This past Friday and Saturday, my church held the Love and Respect Conference with Dr. Eggerichs. I am super thankful that I was able to attend, thanks to my mom watching my little girl. It was a very eye-opening Conference, and I am sure it blessed many people who attended. It was an eye opener as to why a husband reacts the way he does, and why a wife reacts the way she does. Without Love she Reacts without Respect, and Without Respect he Reacts Without Love. It is a viscous cycle that if it is not put under control can end a marriage. Some college, can’t remember the name of it, did a study and came to the conclusion to have a successful marriage you need two things; LOVE AND RESPECT! It is clearly in the bible.

 Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she [r]respects her husband

I am truly blessed to have the husband I have, for numerous reasons but some of the ones I love are; Neither of us like to fight, and will talk through things rather than “fight. My husband is a guy who tries to see it from both perspectives, in turn he can see where I am coming from rather than getting mad. He is a communicator, he will sit and talk about feelings, what is bothering him, and in all actuality I am the one that does not like to talk about my feelings. I do not like to talk face to face about personal issues that are bothering me, I would rather bottle it up inside and ignore it, or write it all down on a piece of paper and let someone read it. So I am super blessed with a man who will work through all those emotions with me and doesn’t get mad when I say something wrong, because he understand how I think.

Back to the conference, Dr. Eggerichs pointed out that God has made up Man and Woman and we feel, see, react to things differently. A woman is naturally loving, gentle, nurturer, kind, will say I’m sorry for tripping over the dog. It is in our makeup that we put xoxoxox ❤ love you all over things! That is what makes up the loving women we are. God created men to want respect, to be man of honor, to naturally know how to respect another guy and naturally will die for his girlfriend or wife. Think about that, God designed your husband, boyfriend, son, to DIE for a women! Think about the Aurora, Colorado shooting and those 4 boyfriends who took the bullet for their girlfriends. That is just how God made them, they are Men of Honor!

Us woman, naturally want to feel loved, and we want our boyfriends or husbands to Love us, but they cannot Love us how we want UNLESS we show them RESPECT! See it is a big cycle. Try telling your husband, Honey I respect you, and walk away. See what happens, he, more than likely, will come walking after you going hey hey now how, intrigued. Make sure you have a couple of things to tell him as to why you respect him, like going to work, or being a good father or husband, etc. The more we can show respect to our Husbands, and try to show respect and think to ourselves, is what I am about to say Respectful or not, the more LOVE he will show you. It is a big circle!!!! I want my daughter to see her mom showing her dad respect and her dad showing her mom love. I want to have a healthy marriage that puts GOD FIRST, a marriage where Lily can look back and go that is the type of marriage I want to have.

So, that is what I learned at the Love and Respect Conference and I SO cannot wait to read the two books my Husband bought for me :). I would truly recommend any person to read his book Love an Respect, or attend a marriage conference if you can. Even if you do not have any marital problems it will help you to avoid them in the future.

Roller Coaster week of Emotions

Last week, has been one of those weeks you feel like you have sunk in a hole and cannot find your way out. One of those weeks the enemy has been feeding you with lies, but not any lies the kind that speak right to your weak spot. So strong and so piercing you almost want to believe them. So close to the truth yet so far away from the truth you do not know which way is up. Yes one of those weeks. A “Roller coaster week of Emotions!”

It all started with the lie, you cannot home school your daughter you are to much of a procrastinator. It will never work because you lose your focus and you let weeks slip by before you realize. Now I would Love to home school my daughter and I cannot shake the tiny fire in my heart that says, she needs to stay be homeschooled just trust me. Hmmmm… those two Powerful words Trust Me! I am so torn, even thought she just turned 3 in September, as to if I am supposed to Home-school, find a way to send her to private school, or do public school. As this week has shown me I need to Fully submit to God and Fully ask His help in this area. I need to remember that I have God Fully on my side! He will give me the wisdom if I ask, all I got to do is TRUST HIM!

Another lie that, is you are not doing enough to please God. You are sleeping in when you should be getting up, you are not spending enough alone time with God, you are not doing enough to allow the Holy Spirit to work in you, yes those kinds of lie. Yes, I know they are all lies but it is true that, that is an area I struggle. I struggle with getting up enough time before Lily to really pray and read my bible. I struggle with spending ALONE time with the HIM! I struggle in every area of my Life but I need to STOP ask God for help. HE is the ONLY person who can Truly and Permanently help me in this area. I need to submit my Whole life to Him and not just bits and pieces.

The last issue is a super personal one, I had an emotional breakdown Saturday Night because of it. I try and I try to, I pray and I pray, over this issue but yet nothing changes, or it could be changing I’m just not seeing it. In fact it seems like my world is slipping away, in so many different directions, but yet I can do nothing about it. It seems like a bunch of “one way” streets now. I try to turn back but you cannot make U-Turns and everything I knew is gone away. But you can think of it like this, I DID pray for change! I DID pray for a “new beginning” (in a way). Maybe this is God’s way of saying something New is coming along, I know you cannot see it, just TRUST ME (there it is again) and you will see, IN MY TIME! Hmm Ouch! I think I’m Lost and there is nowhere to go right now, but I forget that I have the PERFECT person to turn to, GOD!

Praise the Lord my family is healthy, and rejoice because our Lord is King! The more I turn to Him Alone, the more of his truth and discernment he will give to me. I have to be patient because everything is in HIS timing!!!!!!!! I know new and good things are coming, I just gotta wait out this waiting period and never Forget who is Number 1 in my life! When God is working on us, or changing something about us or around us, it hurts. You might not be able to realize it at first but Do not Ever Forget that God works all things out for the Glory of Him!!

Spirit of Liberation

All throughout school I was not a fan of reading at all. There were a few books that I did enjoy reading like, The Great Gatsby, Left Behind for kids series, and the author Henry David Thoreau. But I never had an urge to sit down and read an entire book, to go walk through a bookstore looking for that book that stands out to me, or to try to find a book that might help me spiritually. In fact if you would have asked me if I enjoyed reading I would have quickly said No! I never would have thought that 10+ years later that I Love reading! It is kind of crazy how life changes as you grow older.

Back in February of 2009, my sister-in-law asked if I wanted to read the book, Becoming the woman God wants me to be a 90 day guide to living the Proverbs 31 life by Donna Partow. After I read that book, I was hooked to continue to read good christian books to become a better wife, mother, and daughter of Christ. My husband recently asked me, “Do you ever get tired of reading?” My response to him was, No! Especially when every book I read draws me closer to our Heavenly Father! Well, a few days later I come home with my new book called, Lead me, Holy Spirit… Longing to hear the voice of God by Stormie Omartian. As soon as my husband saw it he just started laughing and said yes at least its a good christian book. I am only on page 32 but I have already broke out my pink highlighter and my pink pen to write notes down in the sides of the book. When I got to page 30, one paragraph really stuck out to me that I would like to share with you guys.

Often the pain in our lives comes from a lack of intimacy with God. And the only way we can experience that intimacy is to be in close communication with Him. You must be able to find a place that is quiet and private every day. Believe me, I know how hard that can be, especially in certain seasons of your life, but try. Go before the Lord and release every worry, care, person, fear, obligation, or concern from your mind into His hands. Name them specifically. As you sit in His presence, focus on His goodness and love, and welcome the comfort of His Holy Spirit in you. let Him set you free of whatever keeps you from the abundant joy He has for you.

So, as I have said before I am learning about the Holy Spirit and how to hear from God. To be quite frank, there is a lot that I am in the process of learning. But when I read that paragraph I was like wow! I have always been a person who prayed to the Lord, even though I’m still not sure if I am praying correctly, but when she said “Name them specifically,” that really caught my attention. I know I have heard that before, but it never really sunk in until earlier today when I read this. I have always been fearful to not pray for myself to much, but to pray for other more than myself. When I wake up in the morning and I have my alone time with God, I spend the majority of the time praying for other people and only a small fraction praying for myself. I never really truly release my cares to the Lord, I never truly release anything to Him. I am so thankful that I was able to read this and go WOW, I am so doing it wrong! I do need to pray for my worries and pray for my cares and name all of it specifically and do take a little more time to pray for me.

I strongly agree with starting your day with the Lord. Waking up just a little bit earlier so you can get some alone time in with Him. It makes your day SOO much more Beautiful and Joyful when you wake up and let the Lord in your heart Before doing anything else! Walking with the Lord is a journey where you are always learning, and I thank the Lord that I have desire to learn and grow as a Christian Woman, mother and wife! I still have a long way to go but with the Holy Spirit as my guide, nobody can stop me!

Just Jump and He will catch you

I LOVE the summer time! I love everything about the summer; short, tank tops, swimming, boating, pool, beach, flowers, small afternoon rain showers, everything! Being a born and raised Florida girl here at the beach, I would So rather be in shorts and a shirt, or swimming somewhere than be cold! I dislike the cold with a passion. Now, that I stay home with my Lily, we have been going to the pool or beach at least once a week. Then on the weekend we go on my moms boat! Well, recently the weather has not been cooperating very well and it has been raining a lot! If it isn’t raining it just looks yucky, or is thundering because it is raining a little north of us. This is the longest stretch we’ve gone without going to the pool all summer. BUT today it is BEAUTIFUL and we finally made it to the pool.

When we got to the pool, I put the arm floats on Lily, and the ring around Taylor (the little girl I watch 3 days a week) and let them go. Every time we get in the water, I take a little time out and work with Lily on holding her breathe under water, and kicking her arms and legs to get her swimming. Each day she gets a tiny bit better. It has helped if I go swim under water and show Lily, so that way she will want to imitate me, haha. So, that is what I did today, and to my surprise she took her arm floats off and tried to swim under the water. She did not go very far but the fact that she, herself, decided I want to do it too and tried made me so happy! She would stand on the last step and jump and try to swim under the water, while i caught her. It was great! Well, so I thought.

Taylor decided she wanted to throw the ring in the pool and have me go get it and throw it back to her. Okay, that was fine I will play along with her. Eventually Lily wanted to join and said mom I want you, and before I could say anything Lily jumped, off the last step, and was trying to swim under water. Okay, now I’m a good 7-8 feet away running/swimming as fast as I can to get Lily. I finally reach her pull her up and she wiped her eyes off like it was nothing. Now, in my frantically trying to reach Lily, I did see her head come up once and her get a breath of air and go under again but still. I am soooo thankful to God that she was safe, and was actually able to get a breath of air and go back under and swim. I am so thankful that she did not swallow any water at all and I reached her in time before something happened!!! So-So thankful!

I did have a talk with her though and tell her, she CANNOT just go jump and swim. I was so proud of her for swimming and getting a breath and swim some more, that was awesome of her to not panick, but she cannot do that unless mommy is right next to her. She said okay mommy I am sorry. I am not going to scold her for trying to swim to me, or get mad, because she honestly thought she could swim. But instead I tried to lovingly tell her she did great BUT not to do that again! She didn’t do it again (well today at least).

When we came home, got cleaned up and the girls were laying down for a nap, this situation reminded me about how God will keep us from falling. Just like Lily took that leap of faith and jumped, we need to take that leap of faith and jump off. Just like I was there to get Lily BEFORE something bad happened, God will be there to catch you BEFORE you hit the ground. Now he might wait till the last second, or he may catch you before you even jump, BUT he will catch you IF YOU BELIEVE HE WILL. If you Trust in Him with Every fiber of your being, he will catch you! That is just amazingly awesome, in my opinion. I need to be like my Lily and just jump! Do you believe God is going to catch you? If you do, what are you waiting for JUST JUMP!