All in God’s timing!

As I have written before, I know part of my calling is to go to other countries and be a missionary. I know I want to go dig wells for people, do not know why I just know digging wells is in my passion. I want to go hug and love on the little children and show them that a stranger Loves them! I want to show these children the Love of Jesus Christ to these people. I know this is my calling, but yes I am full of terror/fear. I am fearful of the unknown, I am full of doubt, I have fear that I will fail because I still have so much to learn myself, and I just full of fear period.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. (NKJV)

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (NKJV)

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (NLT)

I could go on and post more verses of the bible telling us not to fear, for the Lord your God is with you. Yes, I do know and understand all of these but still I have fear in my life. I cannot let my shy, quiet and reserve personality hold me back from the blessing that God has in store for me. I need to stand strong in my faith and go against the enemy and his attacks on my life, but he has a good grip and its hard.

This past weekend was our small group expo at my church. I looked up previously all the groups and one particular caught my attention. It was called Missionary Call and it was hosted by Peggy Morgan. Now, Peggy, is the lady that told me I was going to be a missionary and go on missions with the church. I have always known and felt that I would connect with her again and this was my season I felt to do that. Yesterday, was our first meeting and I am so thankful to God that I got up the courage and went. I knew I was in the exact spot that I was supposed to be! At the end, I cannot remember how, but I told Peggy about my fear that I had and that I was hoping this small group would help me overcome some of that fear. I lost it and started crying and poured out part of my heart to this lady. She gave me a tissue and invited me to come to another small group she attends, about healing and prayer. They pray over people who need healing and prayer, or they study from the bible about healing and prayer. So this Monday I am going with her, so they can pray over me and ask the Lord to remove my fear. How amazing God works! He heard my cries, prayers, and pleas and I believe this is the answer to them.

How amazing our God is! How amazing our lives can be changed when we listen to the Lord and do as he says. I almost did not sign up for this small group because I was scared. I walked away from the table and said No not now, but my husband was talking to a friend of his so I turned back around and signed up. Thank you Jesus that Evan was talking! Thank you Jesus for these people because I know they are going to transform my life for the better! I am so incredibly excited as to what the Lord has in store for me. I am so incredibly excited that maybe this is my time to finally go on a mission trip! If this is not my time, well that is fine because I know I will get to go one day, All In God’s TIMING!

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Reflection on my Granny

As I sit here and think and take in the news I received this morning I cannot help but to reflect back on life. Reflect back on all the good and bad times I have had. All the times that God has done a miracle in my life, and all the times the enemy had me in his hand. Yesterday, I received news that my granny was in the hospital with kidney failure and she would more than likely, not make it until morning. She had a blood clot in her right leg, that gone unnoticed at the nursing home so long that gang green had begun to set in. She was several dehydrated, and was just not responsive at all. As my cousin is telling me the news that she isn’t doing well, she asked if I would go to the hospital with her and see Granny. So I went, and I am glad that I did because I got to spend a good 10-15 minutes by myself with her.

At first I just sat quietly just looking at how fragile she looked, at how skinny she was, and how wrinkly her skin was because she was so thin. Then I got up and I prayed over her, I would touch different parts of her body and pray that God would deliver her from her pain and make it go away, that if this was her time that he would take her so her pain would stop. I prayed over and over while touching all different parts of her body and I just felt a peace, the more that I prayed. I did have a few scary moments when her breathing would stop, just for a second, then would catch up again. After I was done praying, I stood there and told her about Lily. How Lily got to see Cinderella and go to Disney World. I told her about Halloween, and that Lily was a ladybug, but we called her Lazy bug because I pulled her around in a cart. I told her that Lily had started ballet, and really liked it. I showed her silly pictures of Lily, even though she could not open her eyes. I just sat there and talked to her like normal. A few times I would adjust her pillow, and she would hold her head up while I fixed the pillow. Then I slide her body over a little because she looked uncomfortable. I told her that we were going to church and that Lily LOVES her sunday school class. I told her that Lily loves learning about God, and that she was going to grow up in a Godly home. Most importantly I told her I loved her!

My granny is not a biological grandparent. She is my step-dads mom, but she has known me since I was small, a good 24 years now. Ever since I first met her she always treated me like a true blood grandchild. I was the first grandchild that she had, and when I was small I would go over to her house and spend the night. I remember her calling my mom and asking to watch me, and spend the night. I could always eat, drink, whatever I wanted. We would play with the dogs, or look through all her old year books from the 60’s thru 80’s, and pick out people who I knew. Then more cousins came around and we would always go to her house and hunt Easter eggs. During Thanksgiving she always made the dressing different that other grandparents but it was yummy. And never once, even with other blood grandchildren coming along did she make me feel less.

Then came a point in my life when my mom and step dad separated, I was about 18, and I did not see her as much. I did not go over there as much, and holidays got more complicated and sometimes I would not make it to her house. I could say, I wish I could have gotten to see her more during those years but I will not. What good is it to wish to change the past when you have the present. Eventually I got some sense knocked into me and I started to go see her more. Thank goodness!

Then came along Lily! Her first great grandchild. I am so thankful to God that Granny was able to spend time with Lily and watch her grow these past 3 years. I am thankful that Lily was able to see Granny and remembers her, you do have to say Granny with the dog Angel and she will go oh okay yeah. I am thankful that I got to go up to the hospital and have those last moments with her! Even though she was not responsive, I know in my heart that she heard me. I know in my heart that she heard and knew I was praying over her body for the pain to subside. I know that she knew I was there! I know my Granny is in a much better place now, she gets to see her Family and be in God’s wonderful Kingdom in Heaven!!